Introduction Interpersonal Skills And Communication Skills
Effective leaders have two distinguishing characteristics: (1) their want to listen and understand others, and (2) their desire to talk and communicate effectively with others.
These two skills (listening and speaking) help them in a variety of areas of their lives (including their professional lives), since they foster the development of other key interpersonal skills.
The skills you use to interact with other people are known as interpersonal skills.
They include skills such as the ability to comprehend social situations, collaborate effectively with people, and communicate effectively. Interpersonal communication, also known as soft skills, is an important job skill.
The number one skills gap in the United States, according to LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner, is a lack of interpersonal skills ( The CEO of LinkedIn Shares the No. 1 Job Skill American Employees Are Lacking ).
Weiner points to a study his firm conducted of member profiles and job advertisements in 100 major U.S. locations. This study is consistent with findings from Monster’s 2019 Midyear Jobs Report (Links to an external site. ), which analyzed 943,008 market-wide job advertisements and discovered that interpersonal skills are continuously recognized as top job skills.
The term “interpersonal skills” or “soft skills” can refer to a broad range of disciplines, however the following are typically included:
- Teamwork
- Collaboration
- Problem solving
- Time management
- Initiative
- Oral and written communication
- Listening
- Professionalism
- Public speaking
- Leadership
Listening
We don’t spend much time learning how to listen. We, on the other hand, typically devote a significant amount of time on learning how to speak, read, and write. In reality, these skills are frequently taught as part of our primary education. When it comes to listening, though, we are more likely to consider how we can respond rather than how we might better learn. Yet, having someone listen—truly listen—to us is one of the most powerful and endearing experiences we can have.
It is human nature to desire to be understood and valued. This is why we feel affection for someone who takes the time to get to know us and understand our situation. Listening is frequently the bedrock of our relationships and an essential component of their long-term viability—both personally and professionally.
Because of the depth of the relationship, it’s usually easier to see why listening is important in personal relationships. It’s a little more difficult to recognize in professional relationships, but once you do, you’ll realize how crucial listening is. For example, if your boss knows you’ve taken the time to thoroughly understand the project and follow her instructions, he’ll be much more likely to entrust you with assignments. You’re also more likely to do business with a company that recognizes your needs and tailors its products and services to meet them.
Companies understand that if they listen to their customers and understand how to meet their demands, they will be considerably happier. Companies invest millions of dollars on market research, surveys, and field research to accurately identify and address the demands of their customers. Consider the impact that this level of attentiveness and listening could have on our personal relationships!
Levels Of Listening
Being able to assess a situation and respond appropriately is an essential aspect of building interpersonal skills. When you learned about oral vs. written communication, you discovered the format to use was determined by the topic, urgency, familiarity, and audience. There are different levels of hearing, just as there are different levels of speaking or writing. Many of the same characteristics can help you in determining what level of listening you require.
Listening can be divided into two types or levels: informational listening and deep listening. When the message is simple and does not require the listener to search for deeper meanings or hidden messages, it is referred to as informational listening. For example, it’s typical to have a number of updates and informational things at the start of a meeting. It’s critical that the listener pay attention, but it’s not necessary to listen deeply because the message already had all of the information you required; Time cards are due on Friday—I understand; the corporate party is at 6:00 p.m.—fine; and a simple reminder regarding the business cell phone policy—I recall.
Complex messages, on the other hand, need a higher level of listening. Because the ideas and concepts are new or difficult to grasp, messages can be complicated. They can also be difficult to understand because the individual is attempting to explain a feeling or experience that they may not fully comprehend. The sender will rely more heavily on numerous channels of communication, such as verbal, nonverbal, and written communication, in certain instances. To successfully receive the message, the listener must tune into all of them.
Your boss, for example, will most likely use words to convey her assessment of your work performance, and she may also refer to a written report. She will also most likely communicate by nonverbal means, which may be the greatest way to determine whether she is pleased or dissatisfied with your performance. You must pay attention to all of the messages that the speaker is sending in order to receive a complex message like this. Because you’re truly trying to grasp what the speaker is presenting from their point of view, we call this level of listening profound listening.
Deep Listening
Deep listening begins with genuine interest in the other person and their message. Sincerity is impossible to fake. Humans have incredible ability to detect authenticity. When someone is being insincere, we can sense straight away. There are apparent cues, such as giving mixed verbal and nonverbal signals, but we also appear to sense when someone is genuinely interested in what we’re saying deep down.
Deep listening is challenging for us to execute because it is difficult to get beyond our own experiences and perspectives to see things from another person’s perspective. This is referred to as autobiographical listening by Stephen R. Covey in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Rather than listening through the lens of the speaker, we listen through the prism of our own perceptions and experiences.
“We evaluate —we either agree or disagree; we probe —we ask questions from our own frame of reference; we advise —we give advice based on our own experience; or we interpret —we try to figure people out, to explain their motives, their behavior, based on our own motives and behavior,” according to Covey (Covey, pg. 245). Listening autobiographically is natural for us. To get out of our own heads, we frequently have to put ourselves in the shoes of another person.
Deep listening, on the other hand, requires trying to understand the speaker from their perspective. This isn’t to say that your experience and viewpoint aren’t valuable, but it does mean that everyone gets to have their voice heard.
The Four Responses of Autobiographical Listening
(Listening from your own point of view rather than the speaker’s.)
a) Evaluate: Agree or disagree.
b) Probe: Ask questions based on your experience.
c) Advise: Give advice based on your own experience.
d) Interpret: Explain from your own point of view.
Deep listening can also help you in avoiding miscommunications at the workplace and at home. When something sounds familiar, your brain stops paying attention and creates the illusion of learning. When it comes to listening, the same thing might happen. If you are not paying attention carefully, you may begin to tune out because you believe you know what is going on.
If your boss asks you to submit a report on last year’s trip expenses, for example, you may tune out at the word “report” because you’ve already completed hundreds of expense reports. You expect this one to be the same as the others. If you do, you risk overlooking why your supervisor requested this report and what she hopes to learn from it.
Missing out on that information could have a significant impact on your performance. Autobiographical listening is also common among children and teenagers. Adults who have already gone through adolescence tend to evaluate, probe, advise, and interpret what teenagers say. Focusing on the person and imagining things from their perspective is the remedy for autobiographical listening.
Deep Listening Skills
Because the average individual speaks 125 to 175 words per minute, but we can understand roughly 450 words per minute, listening really takes effort and focus. The time difference between when someone speaks and when we can listen can cause our minds to wander. Rather than using this extra time to gain a better understanding of the other person’s point of view, we often begin to consider how we will answer. You might use a technique known as “full body listening” to avoid being distracted. This strategy is commonly taught to youngsters to help them learn to listen, but it can also be used by adults.
Whole-body listening entails concentrating your entire body on the speaker and their message. It includes the following procedures:
Eyes are looking at the person talking.
Ears are ready to hear (remove distractions like headphones, radio, etc.).
Mouth is quiet (no talking, humming, or making sounds).
Hands are quiet in your lap or pockets, or by your side.
Feet are quiet on the floor.
Body is facing the speaker.
Brain is thinking about what is being said.
Heart is caring about what the person is saying.
This technique helps you in preparing to listen intently and in orienting yourself to the speaker’s point of view. It also useful in the preparation of active listening. Active listening involves being attentive and actively attempting to understand what the speaker is saying. It requires asking follow-up questions, speaking in a nonjudgmental tone, and being compassionate in order to get inside the other person’s thinking. Passive listening, on the other hand, needs no effort and just indicates that you are able to hear. It takes more effort to ignore someone than it does to listen passively.
Try utilizing Stephen Covey’s simple technique to practice empathic listening.
“You appear to be feeling (enter emotion) about (content).”
For example:
- “You seem to feel depressed about your last math test.”
- “You seem happy about how your speech went.”
- “I can see that you’re upset about losing your keys.”
Empathetic listening, according to Covey, is a powerful technique to open up lines of communication and develop connections because it shows the other person that you understand what they’re saying and how they’re feeling. You’re trying to see things from their point of view, putting aside your own assumptions, beliefs, and opinions.
Choosing the Right Level of Listening
As previously stated, we can use the four skills you learned in the oral and written communication session to determine the appropriate listening level. Before we go any further, it’s important to note that, despite the fact that we’ve divided listening into two levels, communication is never that straightforward. You’ll have to adjust your listening style to fit the occasion. It may be beneficial to use the four areas discussed in last week’s writing session.
Topic of Conversation
One of the first clues that you should be engaging in deep listening is the topic of conversation. If the topic is sensitive, personal, or complex then you need to start actively listening. If you passively listen during a crucial conversation it could damage your relationship. On the other hand, if the speaker is communicating a simple message and you start analyzing what they are saying, how they are feeling, and following up with active listening questions, it could create an awkward situation.
Urgency
You must consider the speaker’s needs as well as the situation when determining urgency. The urgency in a professional environment could be a looming deadline that a coworker has to discuss with you. It could also be a dissatisfied customer. Take the time to assess the circumstances and the likelihood of conflict in each event. If a consumer is dissatisfied, they may rapidly escalate the problem to your employer or leave bad feedback. That’s something you’ll want to take care of right soon. Listening empathetically is one of the most powerful strategies to deal with conflict. When a person feels fully understood, he or she is less inclined to become angry.
Familiarity
The term “familiarity” refers to how well you know the speaker as well as the topic. It will be easier for you to determine the level of listening that you need to engage in if you are familiar with both. If you are unfamiliar with the speaker or the topic, use your deep listening abilities to ensure that you understand the message.
Audience
Matching the message’s intent with the appropriate level of listening is an important interpersonal skill. It might lead to confusion and mistrust if your level of listening does not match the message’s intent. The premise is that, just as your message is shaped by your audience, so is your listening. When the speaker and the listener are in sync, it builds trust and strengthens the relationship.
Speaking
We’ll discuss about how the words you use reveal what kind of person you are in this section. Your words have the ability to classify and categorize you.
Every time someone speaks, he reveals what is going on within his head. This technique is so precise that it allows you to view even deeper than the brain. You can get a sense of the person’s personality. That is correct. The way you speak and the words you use reveal a lot about who you are on the inside.
Language is more than just words; it reveals a lot about us. It shapes our way of thinking and seeing the world. We offer context to what we hear, see, think, and feel when we speak or write.
The way you speak and the words you use reveal a lot about who you are on the inside. Shouldn’t we speak in a way that helps us become the person we want to be? Is it likely that by changing the words you use, you may change who you are?
Consider the people you hang out with. Do you find yourself repeating their phrases and words? You most likely do. That’s because we tend to imitate the actions of individuals with whom we spend time. When individuals around you use unacceptable language, be ready to gently walk away or change the subject.
No Corrupt Communication
We should be proactive in using clean, uplifting language because what we say and how we say it shapes ourselves and others. We might all benefit from more good communication in today’s world. People appear to think it’s natural (even admirable) to make fun of others with sarcasm and insults.
The snide remark, the scathing remark, the tearing down of associates may be heard everywhere. Sadly, these are all too often the topics of our discussions. Wives weep in our homes, and children eventually give up under the barrage of criticism from husbands and fathers. Criticism is a precursor to divorce, a source of rebellion, and occasionally a cause for failure.
Stop looking for storms and start appreciating the sunshine more. I propose that we ‘accentuate the positive’ as we travel through life. I’m asking that we look a little harder for the good, that we refrain from insults and sarcasm, and that we lavish greater praise on virtue and effort. I’m not asking for a blanket ban on any criticism. Correction leads to growth. Repentance is the source of strength. The wise guy is one who can own his faults and change his direction when they are pointed out to him by others.
Sarcasm is a subtle vice that can appear amusing at first, but has an underlying insult at its center. Jennifer Grace Jones mentioned an external site in the August 2013 Ensign. “Sarkazein” is the Greek origin for sarcasm, and it means “to rip flesh like dogs.” Sarcasm, according to one dictionary, is irony intended to “cause pain.” Sarcasm has a variety of applications in our communication: it can indicate hostility and insult, it can be used to control others, and it can convey scorn and rage. Although not all sarcasm is malicious, it does have a hypocritical edge since it forces us to speak the exact opposite of what we mean.
Some use it for amusement, but it frequently harms our relationships by leading our friends and family to mistrust our sincerity and be puzzled by what we say.” The harmful impacts of sarcasm on our relationships should not be overlooked. Its comedy is nearly always at the cost of others, and it falls well into the category of “corrupt communication.”
